The Inner Wealth Podcast

Ep220. The Expectation Effect Expanded — You Get What You Expect (And Feel You Deserve).

• Mike Kitko

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In this episode, Mike unpacks the hidden link between what you want, what you expect, and what you actually allow into your life. If you've ever been stuck in massive action but still can't seem to receive what you desire, this conversation reveals the missing piece: deservedness. Mike walks through the creation process — clarity, certainty, and commitment — and reveals how feeling unworthy secretly sabotages your expectations. This one changes the game.

Key Takeaways

  1. You Don’t Get What You Want — You Get What You Expect
    Expectation is not a mindset; it’s a nervous system calibration rooted in what you feel you deserve.
  2. Deservedness Is the Ceiling of Manifestation
    If you don’t believe you deserve something, your body will reject it — no matter how badly you want it.
  3. The Creation Process is Simple, But Not Easy
    Clarity, certainty, and commitment — but the real block is the story of what you’re allowed to have.
  4. Self-Sabotage Is Just Expectation in Disguise
    When your external actions don’t match your internal deserving, you’ll unconsciously push it all away.
  5. You Can Choose to Deserve It Now
    Worthiness isn’t earned — it’s chosen. And your life will respond the moment your energy shifts.

Notable Quotes

  • “You can't always have what you want, but you'll always get what you expect.”
  • “When you don't expect to get it, it's because you don't believe you deserve it.”
  • “The limitation of our expectation is what we do feel that we do deserve.”
  • “I decided to choose to deserve it and take any condition out of the equation.”
  • “God is giving us whatever we feel we deserve. God's just waiting for us to raise our deservedness game.”

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Music Credit: "What's Left of Me" by Wes Hoffman & Friends

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Mike Kitko is an executive self-mastery coach, speaker and author. He found external success through powerful titles, incomes, and material possessions. He ultimately fell into depression, toxic abuse of alcohol, and the near collapse of his family before he began a journey of interna

SPEAKER_00:

You ever wake up feeling like there's something missing in your life? You ever feel the need to escape your business? Are you running your money or is your money running? Help you design creating a life so authentic and aligned with who you really are. You'll get excited just to wake up. Help you create real wealth, accepting freedom from the inside out. Welcome to the Inner Wealth Podcast, where we learn and choose to live inspired each and every day. Recently, I I've been on this podcast and in other parts of my teaching and coaching. I've been really talking about uh you can't always have what you want, but you'll always get what you expect. And that is a powerful, powerful insight when you when you truly understand it. Now, I teach the uh creation process. I mean, there's plenty of episodes about the creation process. And the creation process is very simple. It's uh clarity, certainty, and commitment, whatever you get really super clear about in your mind when you attain certainty in your body that you can have it, that you will have it, that it is available, and it's not an if and an it's a when. And if you remain committed to the process by taking inspired action, by being patient in the process while the universe kind of lines things up for you. And if you receive it when it shows up, you'll you'll always, you know, you'll get what you want, but only if you expect it, which is the certainty part, only if you expect it to actually happen. You'll you don't always get what you want, you get what you expect. Now, I there's been times where I've gotten, you know, I haven't gotten what I wanted because I didn't expect it. But there have been times that I have gotten what I wanted because I expected it. It wasn't an if and it was a when. So the way I like to wrap this together and simplify this is let's say there's a there's a a bowl of apples over on your counter, and you're sitting on a couch, and and you know, you're sitting there and you say, you know what? I I would I would love a delicious juicy apple. And in that moment, you choose the apple and you get up, take some inspired action, you get up, you walk over through your living room, into your kitchen, you reach into the bowl, you grab the apple, and you take a bite, and you you enjoy the apple. Now you were you got really clear, you used the creation process, you got really clear about what you wanted. There was certainty in your body, you knew that it was there. Okay, you knew that the apple was there, you knew the bowl was full, and you knew the apple was available and you knew it was there, and you knew you could have it. You know that you knew if you took some action, if you walked your your happy ass over to the bowl of apples, you you knew in your body there wasn't any worry, doubt, fear, there wasn't any insecurity, there wasn't any, what if it's not there? You had none of these insights, so you had certainty in your body. And then you walked over and you grabbed the apple and you took a bite and you enjoyed your apple. This is the creation process in play clarity, certainty, commitment. Get clear about what you want. You can't have what you want if you don't know what it is. The number one reason people don't have what they want is because they don't know what they want. Attain certainty in your body so that you build the positive expectation that it's not an if, it's a when. Remove the chance and then remain committed to the process by taking inspired action, remaining patient in the process, and then receiving it when it shows up. This is the creation process, and it only works every single time. Now, today I was on my run. Or I was on my run, and let me back up a second. Just uh a few days ago, I spoke at a uh real estate meetup called uh Gateway to Freedom. And it's it's a two-day event in St. Louis, uh, Missouri, and it's full of real estate investment speakers and experts and people that really have some kind of expertise. And it's an awesome, powerful event. It's been running three years in a row. There will be a fourth year, but two out of the three years, I've closed the event. I've I've done, I was the last speaker to close it down. And the only reason I didn't I didn't uh close last year is because I closed the first day, because the next day Angie and I were headed to Turks and Caicos. So that was a lot of fun. So I did, I have spoken at Gateway to Freedom all three years, and I I anticipate I'll speak again next year because I love that conference, and that conference loves me. So I just spoke there and I did go over that exact creation process. Get clear about what you want, attain certainty in your body by letting go of worry, doubt, fear, resistance, any anxiety, any pain, any panic that would prevent you from accepting or allowing what you want into your life. Take inspired action, be patient, and receive it when it shows up. I taught that. And today I was on my run, right? Now we'll get to the place, the time when I'm on my run. I was on my run, running five miles. I was on around mile three of five. And uh I'm running in, well, I live in St. Charles, Missouri, just northwest, the county northwest of St. Louis, uh, St. Louis County. And I'm running this beautiful spring day. It's it's 70 degrees, probably somewhere between 65, 68 degrees. Just beautiful weather for running, and I'm just enjoying my run. And I'm I'm listening to a an old punk rock band that I used to listen to back in the uh early 1990s. And and I I've never stopped, to be honest. But I started listening to them in the early 1990s, and the the band is Sam I Am, S-A-M-I-A-M, Sam I am. And I've been listening to Sam I Am for a long time, and I'm I I'm not like any, I have no affiliate connection with a Sam I am. They have no idea who I am, but I was listening to Sam I Am and I've listened to this album, I've listened to this song a billion times, all right. And I'm I'm running and I'm listening to this song, and I had to I started contemplating and I started I started rewinding, you know, some of the teachings and I started playing them in my mind. And you know, you can't always have what you want, but you'll always get what you expect. And just when I landed on this, on this thought, the the lyric that I've heard a billion times, like laid right over top of it. And the lyric is you'll get what you deserve. And in that moment, I had the most powerful insight that I've had in a long time. And it adds and it amplifies, and it takes, it takes the the creation process one step farther, and it takes the you can't have everything you want, you'll always get what you expect. It takes that to the next level. And I want to share what that is. To get what you want, it requires it requires some internal and a little bit of external work. You there's a lot of people in this world that are in hyper action, hyperactivity, they're they're taking massive action, they're moving their ass, they're efforting like crazy, and there's something inside of them that's in the way and keeping them from actually achieving or attaining what they want to attain. And they're literally fighting through the resistance in their body. And one of those pieces of resistance, and this has shown up in my life, and and we're gonna spend the the second half of this episode kind of unpacking this. This the most prevalent resistance that I've experienced in my own body and in my own life is that I didn't deserve what I wanted. Now that sounds like a you know pity party or something like that, but when you take the concept that you can't have everything you want, you'll always get what you expect. And when you connect those, you get you want it, you expect it, it'll it'll land in your lap. You you expect it, you want it, you expect it, you'll you'll achieve it, you'll attain it, you'll accomplish it, you you'll you'll take a receipt of it. But the expectation, if you want something and you do not expect to get it, which is the disconnect that that's prevalent in a lot of people's activity, you want it, you don't expect to get it. It's it's because, and this is what this is the insight that I got from that line in the song when you don't expect to get it, it's because you don't believe you deserve it. And this has been super, super hyper prevalent in my life. And I can look back in my history and see where not feeling like I don't deserve something has ultimately kept it away. See, when when we don't expect to get something, it's because we don't feel we deserve it. And the limitation of our expectation is what we do feel that we do deserve. So if we want, let's say we we want, let's say, in my coaching business, I want a new mastermind student, which is true. And let's say I don't expect to land that new mastermind student. The reality is, is somewhere in me, in my nervous system, in the unconscious mind, in my in my subconscious, and which is also the ego, right? They're the same thing nervous system, subconscious, ego. Somewhere in the programming, somewhere in the script in there, it says that I don't deserve it. So that is why, that's the limitation, and that's why I don't expect it. And when you want, you want something and you don't expect it, don't be surprised when it doesn't show up. Or if it does show up, don't be surprised when you when you give it away or you get it out of your life as quickly as possible. And that's self-sabotage. And self-sabotage is just getting back down into the levels of our expectations. Now, I'm gonna go through a few stories in my life of how this has reared its its head. I'm not gonna say ugly head, but how it's reared its head. I tell the story constantly about the fact that I was I was an 18-year-old kid before I got had my first date. And I was in high school and I had never had a date before, never kissed a girl, never did anything, right? And I was an 18-year-old kid, and I was 240 pounds at the beginning of the school year. And I I went on a little bit of a binge diet, you could call it. So I started taking this weight loss supplement. I'm not gonna rep the name, but I took this weight loss supplement and I lost 60 pounds in three months. 60 pounds in three months. Now, when I was 240 pounds, my my friend set me up on a blind date. And I went out with this gal, we double dated, I went out with this gal, and she couldn't have been like any less interested in me. She couldn't have been. It was it's impossible. She like, as the three, me, my friend, and his girlfriend, as we were talking, she was like leaned over the chair in the opposite direction, almost falling asleep. And she just kept saying, I'm tired, I just got off work, I'm tired. But in reality, it was obvious that she wasn't interested in me. All right. So that didn't work. And you know, there we go. We we uh we didn't have a second date. Now, I didn't expect when I was 240 pounds, I didn't expect to actually have a girlfriend. And that's why, since they set us up, uh, I didn't actually expect to have a girlfriend. That's why I had never even approached a girl at the time. That's why I never even I never even entertained the thought of having a girlfriend because I didn't expect to have a girlfriend because I didn't feel like I deserved a girlfriend. I was 240 pounds and I was full of shame. I had a lot of body shame, I had a a lot of insecurity, a lot of inadequacy, and I just felt like I didn't deserve really deep inside of me, I didn't feel like I deserved a girlfriend. Now, three months, 60 pounds later, my friend tells me, hey, the only reason she really wasn't interested is because like you were really heavy, and and she wasn't interested in you know, in having a really heavy boyfriend. But I've she's like seeing seen pictures of you and she's interested in you now. And they set us back up. We went out on a double date again, and then she became my girlfriend of like for like two years. And one of the reasons that everything changed is because when I lost weight, some of the body shame went away, some of the some of the feeling like I didn't deserve this girlfriend, some of that went away. A lot, most of it went away. I started to expect that she and I would actually like enjoy each other. And that happened. It it came to fruition. It was just three months, but it was this condition that I had laid in the middle of me not having a girlfriend and me having a girlfriend. I laid this condition that if I was heavy, I didn't deserve a girlfriend. I laid that condition in there, and I want to emphasize that. I laid that condition in there. Now, when I was in high school, I remember seeing some really, really overweight guys with girlfriends. So it wasn't that there were no girls available in, you know, or or interested in big heavy guys, it was that I had this story, I that that limited my expectation. And the reason it limited my expectation is because I didn't feel like I deserved. Obviously, those heavy guys did feel like they deserved a girlfriend. I did not, I did not, so I made it a reality, and then when I decided to deserve a girlfriend, and that story changed in my body, then suddenly the external world rearranged around that what I felt I deserved, because I feel like and I've connected with, and my experience has been is you get what you feel you deserve, and only what you feel you deserve. And if you ever go above that, it'll it'll fall right back quickly. You can't always have what you want, but you'll always get what you expect. And if you don't, if you want something and you don't expect to get it, you won't. And the reason you don't expect to get it is because you don't feel like you deserve it. There's a condition that you've laid into the pattern that you've laid into the the creation process. There's a condition, there's no certainty in your life, clarity, certainty, and commitment. You've you've laid a roadblock, you've laid some kind of a gap, some kind of a boundary in your body and in your mind, and you you lack certainty. And that's why you can be really, really clear, really, really uncertain, and not get what you want, because the uncertainty stems from this exp this negative expectation that you have, and the negative expectation is derived from the fact that you don't feel like you deserve it. I hope this is making sense because this is game-changing stuff. Now, a couple of days ago, actually yesterday, uh based based on when I'm recording. Yesterday, I started the five-week Monkefy Your Money game virtual training where I teach people the five financial archetypes that I've worked with, and I help them understand where they are in the midst, and I help them understand how to move to another financial archetype, a higher level uh archetype that'll give you a higher quality of life. And we just started this this uh this training. Now I'm gonna give you a very rare, very recent event that is real. I'm not exaggerating. It's real, it's tangible, and it shows you that the universe and life responds to what you feel you deserve, to your expectations. All right. So, two hours before the launch of Monkefy Your Money Game, I made a post on Facebook and I said, hey, containers getting ready to start in two hours. It's a small container, it's gonna be intimate, it's gonna be awesome, it's gonna be powerful. I'm gonna give everything. I'm gonna leave nothing, I'm gonna give it all. I'm gonna help you understand. I'm gonna give you tools, techniques. It's gonna be a powerful uh community and it's gonna be a lot of fun. And I'm looking for one or two more people to jump in. And in reality, I really expected one person to jump in, or I really wanted one person to jump in. I was just looking for one. Now, two would have been awesome, but I was looking for one because I wanted to add another person just before, knowing that that would that would be cool and it would give me like it would give me some energy and some some you know some more inspiration to jump in here and it would energize me in the beginning and the launching of of this container. And two hours beforehand, I did that Facebook post. So it's an hour beforehand, and nobody has reached out, nobody's messaged me. And I sat on my patio in a chair on my patio, and I said, Okay, do I do I expect this person? Do I expect these people? Do I expect this person to actually show up? And the answer was no. The answer was no. The answer that I got was no. And the thought that I had immediately was, well, what do I need to do to create an expectation in me that would that would push me over the top, that would, that would get my expectation that I would expect this person to reach out. I wanted another person or two, and I didn't expect somebody to join it that late in the game. And I was just asking myself and inquiring what it what can I do in order to shift that expectation. And then I had this insight. I said, I've done email marketing, I've done social media posts, I talked about Monkefy Your Money Game on this podcast. I've shared, I've shared the link with with people, I've direct messaged people that I thought would be interested. I have done a lot to gain engagement. What if I shift this expectation? Actually, at the time, I just thought I'm gonna shift my expectation at this point that I've already done enough. I don't need to do any more. I've already done the work and I'm ready to receive one more person. And now, in hindsight, I realized that what I did is I changed this. I don't deserve it because I haven't done enough. I changed that that belief, that story, into a an empowered belief that I do deserve it, which created the expectation that they would show up. And I felt all of this in my body. I felt that expectation click in. And at the time I didn't have a word for it, but I can say now, looking back, at that point I decided to choose to deserve it and take any condition out of the play, out of play, out of the out of the equation. I took the condition that I had laid into this the creation process that I didn't deserve it because I didn't take enough action. I changed that belief, that changed the feeling of deservedness that I had, which clicked in a uh an expectation that this person would show up. And wouldn't you guess that I opened up Facebook Messenger and there was a message? And it was very simple. I replied to the message. I would love to have it was a request. Hey, I saw your Monkefy Facebook post, I'd love to be a part of it. I I want to join. And I sent them the link and he joined. Whether you believe that our expectations or what we feel we deserve, whether you believe it or not, they do and they're real. And I see it with my own eyes. When I go out on a run and I expect to find money, I I find money. And when I go out on a run and I don't look for money and I don't expect to find money, it's not part of the equation, it's not part of my my present moment awareness. I don't find money. But when I literally go out, I create the the intention to find money on my run, I find money. It's it's an amazing universe and an amazing life we live. And I do believe that God is ready to give us what God is giving us whatever we feel we deserve. God's just waiting for us to raise our deserve in this game. God's just waiting for us to expect more. And this is why you hear some people, after they achieve their goal, say, the only regret I have is I didn't set the goal higher. Because we don't get what we want, we get what we expect. And we expect whatever we feel we deserve. Guys, I hope this has been super helpful. I hope this has been super empowering. I hope this is useful and gives you a leg up. This is emotional, somatic work. This is important internal work. And most of most of the work that will help you achieve whatever you want to achieve, it's internal, not external. It's the person behind the tactic and strategy that that decides whether the strategy or tactic works. All right. But when you couple internal power or powerful internal work with solid, sound, external tactics and strategies, you can't lose. All right. Hope this is helpful, useful. Get clear about what you want, expect it to show up, raise your level of deserveness in the world by raising your self-worth, your self-esteem, your belief in yourself. Watch that inner thermostat go up about what you deserve and watch your life change. If you enjoyed what you heard and you want to learn more, go to www.innerwealthglobal.com for more tools and resources.